So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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