We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
