we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
