He kissed a someone with a penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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