Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
