the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
