like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
