I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
