I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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