Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She bit a glass in half.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
