...so i touched it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
