It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
