Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
