You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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