thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
