my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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