He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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