there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
