We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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