did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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