I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
