Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
