We named our party play list daddy issues
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
