You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
