Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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