my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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