I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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