is your mom at the bar?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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