i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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