no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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