About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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