she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
