help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize