Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
