just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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