took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
