I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
