I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
