I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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