in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dick very happy bro
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
