just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
