Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
