I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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