I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
