I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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