I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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