I'm drive I can fine osifer
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
