he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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