oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
