And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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