at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
