My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
