you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
