He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
