he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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