Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
