Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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