My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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