guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
