Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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