I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
