just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
