i jhust puked up my retainher.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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