is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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