After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's never too late to be topless.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
