You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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