so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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