11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
