she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
