The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
