I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
