What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
