The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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