You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
