You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
