We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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